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Keeping The Holidays Happy

Everyone loves the holidays. After all, with music, lights, parties, presents, sweets, decorating, baking, shopping, wrapping, mailing, traveling, cleaning, relatives visiting ... how could you NOT have fun?

If the thought of excessive holiday chores -- and even excessive festivities -- sends your blood pressure through the roof, you're not alone. As parents, it's important to remember that the holidays can be stressful for young children, too.

Babies, toddlers and preschoolers thrive on consistency and routine. They like to know what to expect and when to expect it. When the holiday season hits, complete with loud music, bright lights, sweet treats and frequent schedule changes, it can be stressful and more than a little frightening. We can help our little ones learn to love the holidays by providing them with some semblance of structure, appropriate levels of stimulation, adequate rest, and lots and lots of love.

Before the festivities begin this year, consider the tips below to keep the whole family happy.

Be Prepared
"The best thing that parents can do before going into the holidays is to really have a game plan," says Carolyn Sharp, LICSW, a Seattle-based clinical social worker specializing in child and family therapy. "As a parent system," she says, "really think about what is too much to ask of your kids and prioritize what you're going to do during the holidays."

Minimize Stress
Take a look at all the events you want to attend and the commitments you might make during the season, says Sharp, then decide which ones are reasonable given the constraints of raising young children. Simplify your schedule whenever possible.

Take Turns: Sharp advises parents to split up holiday activities when appropriate. Ask yourselves, for example, "Is this party really worth dragging our two kids to, or can one of us go and the other stay back?"
No More Mall Madness: Shopping can be extremely stressful for parents and children, but you do have options. Many parents shop online for holiday gifts, avoiding crowded parking lots, shoulder-to-shoulder shoppers, and long lines at the Post Office. Others shop early to avoid the crowds and last-minute panic. If you're determined to shop the old-fashioned way, consider leaving the kids at home: Hire a babysitter, enlist the help of a friend or relative, or swap childcare services with another mom or dad.
Bring a Bag of Tricks: When you do take the kids along on errands or visits, bring plenty of healthy snacks and water. If they're likely to get bored, bring some books or activities as well.
Keep It Fun: Plan for play breaks when you're out, and let kids play while you work, too. If you're wrapping presents, give them some extra wrapping paper, tape, and boxes to play with. If you're baking, let them play with dough or "decorate" a few cookies. You'll get things done more quickly and everyone will stay happy.

Communicate With Your Kids
Children will feel less threatened by changes in their routine and unfamiliar people and places if they know what to expect and what is expected of them. Talk to your kids about what's going to happen and why, says Sharp. Even young children can understand what's going on if you take the time to explain holiday changes to them.

The Schedule: Go over your holiday calendar with your kids. The earlier you start the conversation, and the more you repeat it, the more likely they are to remember and internalize the messages.
The People: If you plan to see family or friends your children don't know well, help them prepare for the onslaught of attention by familiarizing them with names and faces. Go through family photos with them, and remind well-meaning adults that children might feel shy. Keep them close if you sense they're feeling uncomfortable. Young children often take time to warm up to new people and it's no fun to be passed around a room full of strangers, even if they are family.
What To Expect: If children have to dress up, tell them in advance. If they'll be expected to behave a certain way, talk to them about it in positive ways ("I know you'll remember not to jump on Grandma's furniture," rather than "If I see you jumping on Grandma's couch there will be trouble!"), and show them you're proud of them when they make the effort.

Maintain Your Routine
What kids need, says Sharp, is "structure, routine and consistency," the very things that often "go out the window" during the holidays. Maintaining as much of your child's normal routine as possible, she advises, will minimize stress and unpleasant outbursts.

Keep Them Rested: Keep naptimes and bedtimes as consistent as possible, even when you're traveling. Follow your bedtime routines as closely as you can, too.
Pack Some Friends: If you're traveling, pack familiar books, CDs or videos, and don't forget to bring a special stuffed animal, blanket or toy. While kids get lots of new toys during the holidays, nothing compares to an old favorite when they're away from home.
Favorite Foods: One thing many of us don't consider is maintaining food routines during the holidays. Not only is it a good idea to minimize the sugar your little one ingests, but make sure he or she can get familiar foods when you're not eating at home.

Know The Warning Signs
Every child will respond to stress in his or her own way, notes Sharp, but there are some common signs that a child is over-stimulated and needs to take a break.

Hyperactivity: Stress often "manifests in hyperactivity behaviors," says Sharp, "where kids are just jumping off the wall, particularly in response to all the sugar they sometimes get around the holidays."
Listening Skills: When children are over-stimulated, whether by excessive sugar or by the lights, music, crowds, and constant noise of the holidays, "their listening skills can go right out the window," says Sharp. "It can seem like willful ignoring of your commands," she adds, "but that's not at all what it is. They're just so over-stimulated that they lose their ability to filter out all the different sounds and sights and smells. "It's all just big noise."
Tantrums: When kids are overtired, they often melt down and have tantrums, throw food or other objects, or exhibit other types of out-of-control behaviors.
Personalities Plus: If your kids get too stressed, you're likely to see their normal behaviors magnified in ways that might be troubling. "If you have a kid whose personality is a little high strung or a little clingy under the best of circumstances," says Sharp, "it's going to be exaggerated during the holidays" if the stress becomes too much for them.

Recognizing your child's distress might be your most important job during the holidays. Understanding why our children are "acting out" can help us be more tolerant and understanding, allowing us to help them feel calm and comfortable rather than disciplining them or feeling frustrated and embarrassed.

Help your child relax by taking him to a quiet place, talking softly or singing a familiar song, holding or rocking him, reading a book, rubbing his back, or doing whatever it is that makes your little one feel secure. Make sure he eats regular, nutritious meals, and monitor his sugar intake. Let friends and relatives know your family needs some down time, even if it means missing out on an activity or two.

Take Time For Yourself
Holidays can be difficult for parents, too, whether it's the stress of hosting parties, shopping, or traveling, or the pain of missing loved ones who can't be with us to celebrate. Children pick up on that stress and it adds to their own. Making sure you're as relaxed as possible during the holidays can be a great way to help your little ones.

Understand Your Stressors: If you tend to overextend yourself when it comes to entertaining, consider cutting back on the number or scope of the parties you host, the cookies you bake, or the volunteer hours you agree to. If finances are a concern, do your best to simplify. Parties can be potluck; gifts can be homemade. Try to focus on the special things that don't cost much money.
Recognize Your Warning Signs: Children aren't the only ones who have stress-related tantrums. As parents, we need to be aware of our own triggers, says Sharp, and of the signs that tell us we're overloaded and on the verge of a meltdown.
Communicate Your Needs: When you do feel overtaxed by holiday stress, it's important to communicate with your spouse, partner, or another supportive adult that you need to take a break. A few hours alone -- or even just a short walk -- can help you regain your balance and enjoy the holidays. You might even want to schedule some breaks into your game plan to avoid getting too stressed in the first place.

The holidays should be happy, especially for the kids. And while you can't avoid all the stress of the season, simplifying your plans and focusing on your little ones can be the key to a joyous celebration for you all.

Happy Holidays from all of us at Baby Classroom!

Special thanks to Carolyn Sharp, LICSW, for her contributions to this article (www.carolynsharp.com)